


I Vow To Be Your Bandaid

by Silverfern500



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man (Video Game 2018), Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spideypool Bingo 2019, bit of crack, comforting!Wade, hurt!Peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22048144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverfern500/pseuds/Silverfern500
Summary: Peter wakes up in a hospital, which, okay, it happens. But this time there's a man in his room, who claims to be his... husband?!
Relationships: Deadpool/Spider-man, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 166
Collections: Marvel(ous)Universe





	I Vow To Be Your Bandaid

**Author's Note:**

> Err... I may edit this. I should edit this. I've been sitting on it since JULY and the thought of just not getting my bingo done by midnight tonight made me sad so I put this together. Accidental Marriage prompt for the 2019 Spideypool Bingo!!!
> 
> I'VE GOT A BINGO, BABY

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

There were supposed to be flowers. A violinist. A banner. A nice dinner.

Peter's stomach grumbled at the thought of a nice dinner. Lobster, steak. A big wad of warm, slowly melting butter. Salted, steamed broccoli. Warm bread and wine. Then he'd ask the waiter for more, and the waiter would bring out a glass with a little diamond ring in it for his date....

But Peter wasn't at a nice restaurant. He wasn't having a nice dinner. He didn't have any food at all, actually, even though the nurses were supposed to have brought him the standard bland hospital fare and some pudding.. hours ago....

No, what Peter had was a big, hulking, stranger, in his room.

It was a nice room, located in the east wing of the hospital. Lots of sunlight in the morning. Although Peter's vision was being blocked by the idiot standing in front of the window. Sure, they'd already traded niceties – and by niceties, Peter meant “Who the fuck are you, what are you doing here.” – which basically got him no real answers. Because a strange man you've never seen before, saying “I'm your husband”, is not an answer.

Said man in question, _'Wade_ ', he had said, just stared out the window, hands held behind his muscled back, long slender fingers clasped and nestled next to his-

Peter shook his head. Only slightly regretting the pounding which accompanied the motion. “Okay, fine, whatever.” He growled, crossing his arms and finally looking away from the man's profile. It was like a balloon popping, time re-starting. They'd been in a stand-off of silent treatment for 5 or 6 minutes by then. It certainly startled _Wade_ , at least.

Pounds of muscle shifted along the planes of Wade's shoulder muscles. He tensed, glancing over to Peter. Once, twice. Deciding if he should turn around and face the man. Wade worried his bottom lip. Then, he burst. Whipping around, he cried, “you asked!”

“Why would I ask _you_?” Peter countered, wincing as the stitches in his side stretched. Not catching how Wade grimaced in sympathy.

* * *

Okay kids! Time to back up a bit! Your friendly fucked-up MWTM has some backstory.

See, it all started two nights before...

\---

There wasn't much rain that night, so much as a little drizzle. That's okay. NYC is known for a little sky-piss every once in a while. Sets the ambiance nicely, for a superhero. Like Batman. Well, wrong franchise, but you get the idea. It's just too bad that Spidey never seems to get the memo about the itsy-bitsy spider and what happens when he enters a spout, er, alley. Especially without calling his friend Pooly.

It was just chance that they both ended up on that dark alley behind Paradise Parking Lot in the Bronx. Or was it? In fact, Spider-man had been tailing a lead on a wicked genius mechanic for weeks on end, and the trail ended at the Five Star Machine Shop (aptly named, based on reviews although 4-and-a-half would be more correct). As for Deadpool, well, unfortunately he was just walking back to his car from the Webster Coffee Shop. If not for the commotion the villain made once cornered, along with the familiar yelp of his favorite hero, Deadpool might not have intervened.

It's just, that it wasn't a fairytale team-up. At all. Deadpool watched helpless as he arrived seconds too late. 54 seconds too late, to be exact. Only catching the glare off Spider-man's eye lenses as the man noticed him, as the blast from the villain's doohicky radiated through his body. Sharp tendrils of barbed energy lashed out at Spidey.

Watching in slow motion, unable to register the sight, Deadpool's rage and change of focus was too late to catch the one who'd hurt his best friend. The villain had run as soon as he'd seen the merc and had his opening. Rushing to Spidey's side, Deadpool cradled him in his arms. Dreading the wet blood which soaked through the spandex, along with Spidey's wet cough.

“Hos-pital” the man in Wade's arms groaned.

“But your identity, I can't-” Wade protested, cut off by another wet cough. For once, he shut his mouth.

Spider-man tried to shake his head, but was too weak to manage more than a nudge. He took a second, fading fast, then gathered the strength to try again “With you. Stay. Hospi-”

This time it was Deadpool who shushed him. “Okay,” he placated. “Okay.”

On his last breath before blacking out, Peter whispered “Thanks, Deadpool.”

–--

Getting Spider-man to the nearest hospital hadn't been too much of a challenge. After all, Deadpool _did_ have a car nearby. Dealing with the head nurse, Rio, hadn't been as easy. 'Only relations or spouses can accompany' and blah blah blah. So he spent all night in the waiting room with his head in his hands, while they worked on his baby boy. Nobody dared mention the costume. His, or Spider-man's. It wasn't until the next day during visiting hours when the nurse on shift came to him.

“He's asking for you,” she huffed.

Wade had lifted his head, unbelieving, but went with her. And there was his partner, his buddy, his love, all patched up and pale under a hospital blanket.... and high as fuck on 3x the regular dose of morphine. Oh, and there was the fact that his face was uncovered, too.

Deadpool closed his eyes and faced away so fast he got whiplash.

“S'okay,” a goofy, younger-sounding yet oh-so familiar voice called, coaxing Deadpool to turn back again. “You can look.”

But Deadpool didn't dare.

“Heyyy. Show me mine and I'll show you yours.. no wait... you show me mine and I'll... no....” the boy struggled, growing increasingly frustrated, yet giggling at his joke anyway. Wade couldn't help it, he laughed. Knowing Spidey was out of his gourd, but hey, stealing a little peek couldn't hurt..?

Oh it hurt. Yowza. And he didn't stop at a peek. Deadpool stared at Spidey's face and lithe form. He looked plain. Studious. A messy mop of brown hair lay sweaty over his forehead and a butterfly stitch over his left eyebrow. Eyes, hazel. Cheeks, flushed. Body, scrawny... might have to fix that part at some point....

Eyes traveling back to the boy's doe eyes, and balked at the fond and glazed look he found there. “I, um,” Deadpool squirmed.

“Take it ooooff” Spidey whined.

Spluttering, Deadpool countered with, “I don't even know your name! What kind of girl do you think I am!” He wasn't expecting to be met with a simple word.

“Peter.” Peter said. Ah.

And just like that, visiting hours were coming to a close. Just as Deadpool was informed that they had 15 minutes, Peter began crying.

Deadpool was utterly confused, but seeing Spider-man cry seemed like a sin. Rushing to kneel by the hospital cot, he ripped his mask off, startling Peter out of his tears. Deadpool braced for revulsion, but what he got was a tentative palm on his cheek, and a gaze so full of wonder and awe that Deadpool himself wanted to cry. “I'm Wade,” he whispered. “Hi Peter.”

“Hi Wade,” Peter smiled. “Marry me.”

–--

There was a lot of muddled confusion which transpired within the next 12 minutes. First Wade refused. Then relented when a very high Peter insisted it was the only way Wade would be able to stay and not leave. A hospital minister was called, papers were signed, and Peter spent the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep as Wade read him tales of Don Juan.

Thus leading to a healing-factor'd sober Peter the next morning.

* * *

“Because you didn't want to be alone, Spidey.” Wade's tone was matter-of-fact, but laced with remorse? Regret? Knowledge that Peter wouldn't want him once healed and in his right mind? Which was fine, the marriage could be annulled. Hadn't even been processed in court yet.

Peter sat there. “Oh.” and then again, quietly, “oh” As memory and recognition dawned on him.

Nervously, Wade thumbed towards the door. “Do you you want- should I go?” It was an out. He was giving Peter an out. And he'd respect whatever Peter wanted.

It would have been nice if Peter had said no immediately, but he didn't. Not until Wade had one foot out the door. “Wait!” he said, a little too loud, a little to frantic. Watching as Wade did as Deadpool always does – stopped comically. One foot in the air, hand on the doorframe, head peeking back in to look at Peter – at Spider-man – with a little bit of hope.

“What kind of..” Peter huffed, gripping his hospital blanket in his fists and finding the clock on the wall _very fascinating_. “What kind of husband are you if you're just gonna leave me here.” he finished with a small gulp.

“PETER!” Wade squealed, running over to scoop Peter up in his arms to the complaint of 'ow! Quit it!' but Wade didn't care. “I'll be the best husband ever! We'll have a real wedding! We'll have a big house! I'll get you anything you want! Anything at all baby boy, just ask and it'll be yours!” (he said while rocking Peter side to side and nuzzling his face against Peter's hair, as Peter struggled to push him away and get down)

Peter, having had enough, yelled “I WANT SURF N TURF, YOU ASS.” to shut Deadpool up. Of course, he really _didn't_ want lobster or steak at that moment, but his earlier musings were all he could think of.

“Enchiladas it is!” Wade cried, running with Peter out the door, not caring about the nurses as they caught on and tried to keep up with them to fill out exit paperwork.

Hanging on for life as he was jostled in the man – his husband's – arms, Peter tacked on “And put me down!”

~FIN~

**Author's Note:**

> -Yeah this is not how hospitals and marriage licenses work.  
> -I chose The Bronx at random and found places there, so those are real locations.  
> -Deadpool prefers The Heights (But I've never seen In The Heights)  
> -You get no Villain exposition and doohicky is a very good term  
> -Rio Morales cameo
> 
> Happy New Year!


End file.
